The Blog Less Traveled

I found some of the following one-liners on a website the other day and I thought I’d share them with you. I think it won’t be too long before some of them start applying to me!

• Your sweetie says, “Let’s go upstairs and make whoopee” and you answer “Pick one, I can’t do both!”
• You are getting a little action today – but that means the fiber is working.
• You think an “all-nighter” is not having to get up to pee.
• Your friends compliment you on your alligator shoes, but you’re barefoot.
• You stop lying about your age and you start bragging about it.
• You can live without sex but not without your glasses.
• You think “getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.
• You point out what buildings used to be where.
• A sexy woman walks by and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
• You’re not grouchy; you just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, and politicians.
• You’re wrinkled, saggy, lumpy, and that’s just your left leg.
• Everything either dries up or leaks.
• You realize that aging is not for wimps.
• You write thank you notes without being told.
• You answer a question with, “Because I said so!”
• You wear black socks with sandals.

As I noted in a previous post, we spent some vacation time in Washington, D.C. If you’re willing to drive a short distance from D.C., there are many other places to explore. One side trip we took was to Annapolis, Md. It’s only about 30 miles or so from Bethesda. We met some old friends of ours from Monterey, CA who live in the Annapolis area. We spent a little time with them and walked around the shops and sites in the downtown area. We had a nice lunch at Pusser’s Restaurant (photo on left). It had a great view of the Annapolis waterfront. Of course you can’t go to Annapolis without also visiting the United States Naval Academy. Fred and Cindy gave us a nice tour and we spent a little time in the Academy gift shop. I spent a few weeks myself at the Naval Academy back in the early 80s, but it was so long ago that I didn’t remember too much of it.

One final place we visited on our last day in Bethesda was the Georgetown Cupcake shop (photo on left). This is the store that is featured in the television series, DC Cupcake. I didn’t know that at the time, but my wife and daughter sure did. Normally, there is a long line of people waiting just to get in the door. Fortunately, this was a Monday afternoon and we were able to walk right in. As small as they are, those little suckers are expensive! $2.75 apiece or $29/dozen. We bought a few and took them back to our hotel room and indulged ourselves. We definitely had a great time seeing our daughter and visiting the sites. The time just flew by. The next day we were headed home and made it back in about 10 hours.

My wife and I recently got back from a little vacation to the D.C. area. I haven’t been there in about 20 years and it was interesting to see all the changes. Our main reason for going there was to visit our daughter. She’s in her last year of medical school and is presently doing some medical rotations at the Bethesda Naval Hospital (photo on left) in Bethesda, MD. In addition to being the hospital for U.S. Presidents and other Washington VIPs, it provides medical services for many of our military troops returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. It’s quite an impressive facility and is directly across the street from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) complex. If you were going to be sick, this would be a good place to get some medical attention.

In addition to seeing our daughter, we were able to make a couple trips to the downtown D.C. area. On one trip, we took the Metro Rail. It’s actually a pretty stress-free way to get around. You can get an all-day rail pass and pretty much get to all the sites and attractions. We were able to see the Lincoln Memorial, Washington Memorial, World War II, Vietnam and Korean War Memorials, Smithsonian Institution, etc. On another day, we drove into town and went to the White House, Pentagon and Arlington Cemetery. You can easily spend a week or more trying to get to all the sites. Two days is definitely not enough.

I would definitely recommend using the Metro Rail to get around. You can pretty much get to any site you could possibly want and avoiding the massive traffic congestion is a major plus. The only bad thing about going at this time of year is the weather. It can get a bit warm, especially if you’re out on the National Mall for any period of time. I’m really glad we went, though. Besides getting to see our daughter, I think it’s well worth it to visit our National Capital.

Sometimes, I don’t really feel like being politically correct. This is one of those times. I got the following “plan” in an e-mail from a friend. The e-mail attributed the plan to Robin Williams. However, I was able to discover from snopes.com that only the 11th item can be attributed to him. The rest appear to have come from an old listing on a Harley forum in 2003. Anyhow, although it may not fully describe my sentiments with 100% accuracy, it’s close enough. I have a feeling that a lot of other Americans agree with it, too.

The Great Plan

I see a lot of people yelling for peace but I have not heard of one plan for peace. “Books, not Bombs” won’t work. The head mullahs won’t let anyone read them. If they do, they poke their eyes out.

Here’s the plan:

1. The US will apologize to the world for our “interference” in their affairs, past & present. You know, Hitler, Mussolini and the rest of them ‘good old boys’. We will never “interfere” again.

2. We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea and the Philippines. They don’t want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No more sneaking through holes in the fence.

3. All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We’ll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. France would welcome them.

4. All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don’t like it there, change it yourself, don’t hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don’t need any more cab drivers.

5. No “students” over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don’t attend classes, they get a “D” and it’s back home baby.

6. The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient, energy wise. This will include developing non-polluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7. Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don’t like it, we go someplace else.

8. If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not “interfere”. They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides, most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if any, anyway.

9. Ship the UN Headquarters to an island some place. We don’t need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, it would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10. All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us “Ugly Americans” any longer.

11. And lastly, “The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying ‘Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.’ She’s got a baseball bat and she’s yelling, ‘You want a piece of me?’”

Now, ain’t that a winner of a plan??

Have you ever been in the situation of only being able to do things with one hand? I recently had some surgery done on my left hand to deal with a problem called Dupuytren’s Contracture. It’s a condition that primarily affects people with a Scandinavian heritage. My grandfather on my mother’s side was Norwegian. Certain sections of the palmar fascia, which is the tissue just below the skin in your palm, begins to grow, thicken and contract. This pulls on your fingers, primarily the ring finger, and causes it to start curling inward. It can get to the point where you can no longer straighten out your finger. I had this surgery done on my right hand in California about 12 years ago. I waited until the finger was curling in about halfway before I had the surgery done. The picture above was taken soon after the California surgery. This time, I didn’t wait as long. I had the surgery done just as the finger was starting to curl. The incision was a lot shorter and the recovery should be quicker.

It’s amazing how difficult it is to do the simple, everyday things with only one hand. If you’ve never been in this situation, try putting your underwear on, zipping up your pants and closing your belt buckle with a single hand. It’s a challenge. Washing, brushing your teeth and other hygiene activities really test your patience. Being left-handed made the situation even more challenging. I just had the surgery done on Wednesday afternoon. Hopefully, the recovery will go smoothly and I’ll be back to being two-handed in no time.

I was going through my music collection on iTunes the other day and thought I’d take a look at the songs that I played the most or ranked the highest. Below, in alphabetical order, are 40 or so songs that made the first cut. I’m sure if I took more time or dug more deeply into my 9000 or so songs, I’d probably add or replace a few of these. I tried to strike a balance among several genres. They run the gamut from Instrumental (Yanni and Enya) to Easy Listening (Joni Mitchell and Cat Stevens) to Rock (Jimi Hendrix, Led Zeppelin and Metallica). About the only thing you won’t find is Country. I do have a few Country songs that I like, but none are at the top of my playlists.

• All Along The Watch Tower – Jimi Hendrix
• Baker Street – Gerry Rafferty
• Born In Time – Eric Clapton
• Boulevard Of Broken Dreams – Green Day
• The Boxer – Simon & Garfunkel
• Broken Wings – Mr. Mister
• Diamonds & Rust – Joni Mitchell
• Drive – The Cars
• Dust in the Wind – Kansas
• Far Away – Nickelback
• Fire and Rain – James Taylor
• Fred Baer – Ted Nugent
• Good Heart – Jefferson Starship
• Hey Jude – The Beatles
• Hotel California – The Eagles
• The House Of The Rising Sun – The Animals
• I Just Want You – Ozzie Osbourne
• I’ll Remember – Madonna
• I’m Your Captain/Closer to Home – Grand Funk Railroad
• I Ran – Flock of Seagulls
• Layla – Derek and the Dominos
• Learn To Fly – Foo Fighters
• The Logical Song – Supertramp
• Nights In White Satin – The Moody Blues
• Nothing Else Matters – Metallica
• Old Man – Neil Young
• Only Wanna Be With You – Hootie & The Blowfish
• Owner Of a Lonely Heart – Yes
• Peace Train – Cat Stevens
• Pinball Wizard – The Who
• River Flows In You – Yiruma
• Mr Roboto – Styx
• Runnin’ Down A Dream – Tom Petty
• Sky Pilot – Erick Burdon
• Slide – The Goo Goo Dolls
• So Far Away – Staind
• Stairway to Heaven – Led Zeppelin
• Sultans of Swing – Dire Straits
• Time Has Come Today – The Chambers Brothers
• To The One Who Knows – Yanni
• Watermark – Enya
• White Wedding – Billy Idol
• Whole Lotta Love – Led Zeppelin
• White Room – The Cream
• You Wreck Me – Tom Petty

An Obituary printed in the London Times

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn’t always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live, as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

If you know me at all, you know I’m a chocolate addict. If it’s chocolate by itself or it has chocolate in it, on it or around it, I’ll eat it. I’m particularly fond of good dark chocolate. Give me some dark chocolate with a 60% to 80% cocoa content, and I’m your friend for life.

In a previous blog entry, I told you about how good Brookside Dark Chocolate Pomegranates were. My latest chocolate fix is courtesy of Pearson’s Mint Patties. These babies are good. The cocoa content for the dark chocolate portion of the candy mint is 66%. The peppermint portion of the candy is good, too. Once I open one up, I don’t think I eat less than 10-12 a day. It’s a good thing I buy them in the 5 lb. jar or it would be a real expensive addiction. I think I may have to attend a Chocoholic’s Anonymous meeting pretty soon – “Hi, my name is Ralph and I’m a Chocoholic.”

If you want to try them, they’re available at Costco, Sam’s Club, Wal-Mart, Walgreens, etc. Or, if you drop by my house, I might even share a few with you! There’s even a website for them here. Definitely worth a try. Plus, dark chocolate is actually good for you – in moderation, that is!

I hope everyone had a safe and enjoyable Memorial Day weekend. The weather here in Michigan was great. We spent some of the weekend with family and friends in Grand Haven and enjoyed a nice picnic at the park watching all the boats and people along the channel. There were definitely a wide range of people and clothing styles to both admire and be amused by. Later in the evening we had a little campfire and roasted some hot dogs, marshmallows and s’mores. The only thing missing was our daughter who is hard at work in Pennsylvania. We missed you Beaners!

As I’m writing this, I’m feeling a little guilty. This is supposed to be a day for celebrating all the fallen heroes who died in service of their country. I know that there were services and parades in many cities around the country to observe this fact. However, it seems that Memorial Day has just become another 3-day national holiday. It’s pretty much lost most of its true meaning and is now known more as the start of the summer season as anything else. I’ve become as guilty as everyone else so I’m certainly not pointing fingers at anyone. I think I’d like to see Congress change Memorial Day observance to the last Wednesday in May. Maybe that would remove it from the 3-day weekend mentality and bring its true meaning back into the limelight. What do you think?

As a final thought to maybe bring the true meaning of sacrifice to the forefront, below is the text of the letter that President Lincoln wrote to the mother who lost all five of her sons in battle during the Civil War.

Washington, Nov. 21, 1864.

Dear Madam,–

I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle.

I feel how weak and fruitless must be any word of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to save.

I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.

Yours, very sincerely and respectfully,

A. Lincoln

I found some of the below songs on a few websites that claimed they’re actual song titles. I know that a few of them are real, but I didn’t bother to check them all. Even if they’re not actual song titles, who cares. They’re still pretty funny.

• There Ain’t Enough Room In My Fruit Of The Looms To Hold All My Lovin’ For You
• Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye
• I Ain’t Gone To Bed With No Ugly Women, But I Sure Woke Up With A Few
• I Kissed Her On The Lips, And Left Her Behind For You
• I’d Rather Pass A Kidney Stone Than Spend Another Night With You
• She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
• My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him Now
• Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well
• I’ve Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
• You’re The Hangnail In My Life, And I Can’t Bite You Off
• How Can I Miss You When You Won’t Go Away?
• She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
• I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
• I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Like Having You Here
• I Never Really Loved You, I Just Drank Too Much
• She Broke My Heart, So I Busted Her Jaw