A Little Levity

On August 3, 2011, in Humor, by ralph


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Pet Peeves

On July 1, 2011, in Miscellaneous, by ralph

Pet PeevesI have two general things that bug the heck out of me – rude people and grammar/spelling. Do you ever get really annoyed by the complete lack of respect that certain people demonstrate? It never ceases to amaze me how some people are so oblivious to their surroundings.

Texting – texting is getting out of control. I can hardly drive down the road anymore without seeing someone texting while driving. Recently, my wife and I were driving down the highway and there was a semi-truck in front of us constantly drifting to the side of the road. When I passed it, you could see the driver, a woman, texting away. Unbelievable. Sadly, the number of truckers who do it pales in comparison to the teenagers and young adults who are doing it while driving. I’m also not particularly enamored by people who have to text while you’re trying to talk to them.

Loud cell phone talkers – these folks are just plain rude. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to listen to someone yakking their head off in public, totally oblivious to those around them. I really don’t care what a twit their spouse is or how great their date was last night. Sheesh! Spare us the details and keep it private.

Grammar/Spelling Pet Peeves

First of all, I’m not an English major and make no claims to be an expert in this area. I’m sure if you look hard enough, you’ll probably find an error or two on my website. However, that being said, the following items make it on my list.

In order to – Why use three words when one will do? I can’t think of any sentence or phrase that benefits in clarity or meaning by using “In order to” instead of “To.” If there is, please enlighten me.

Irregardless – this never was a real word, but it has been used in error for so long that it has become one in many people’s minds. There is, of course, regardless, but what the heck does irregardless mean? Really, people, what were you thinking?

There, Their and They’re – I’m not even going to try and explain this one. THERE are plenty of websites to explain THEIR usage and THEY’RE very easy to find.

Your and You’re – Again, use YOUR fingers to google them and YOU”RE sure to find them.

It’s and Its – ITS correct usage can easily be found. IT’S not that hard folks. Look them up.

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Think Before You Speak

On June 13, 2011, in Humor, by ralph

I received this from a friend recently and thought it was worth sharing. It was originally posted here.

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak. Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back? Or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.


I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly ‘How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?’ I turned around and walked back out and never went back – My husband didn’t say a word…He knew better.


I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, ‘I think I like playing with men’s balls.’


My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, ‘No, I’m just looking at your nuts’. My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.


While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving ‘right now’ she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, ‘If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!’ The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.


Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said ‘No’. I kept thinking ‘Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don’t have any clothes with me.’ Then I said, ‘Danny, are you SURE you didn’t have an accident?’ ‘No,’ he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, ‘Danny, did you have an accident?’ This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled ‘SEE MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!’ While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they’d ever had!


This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think, before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don’t get any? We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked: ‘So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night? ‘Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!

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Music: Shinedown

On May 26, 2011, in Music, by ralph


I haven’t posted any music articles in almost a year now, so I figure I’m overdue. I’ve been listening to Shinedown a lot lately. They’ve got some really great sounds. They’re an American rock band that hails from Jacksonville, Florida and was formed in 2001. They’ve released three albums – Leave a Whisper (2003), Us and Them (2005) and The Sound of Madness (2008). Their last album, The Sound of Madness, is their best, by far.

Below are three of my favorite songs from their albums. The links will take you to the YouTube versions of the songs.

  1. Second Chance (My favorite)
  2. Call Me
  3. Breaking Inside

For their official website, click here.

For their Wikipedia entry, click here.

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Bravo Zulu Navy Seals!

On May 2, 2011, in Miscellaneous, by ralph

Navy Seals

How about them Navy Seals? For you non-Navy types, “Bravo Zulu” is a Navy term meaning “well done.” This mission was executed to perfection and each and every one of the members of that Navy Seal Team deserve our everlasting gratitude. Their names will probably not be known for some time, but I can only imagine that there’s a great sense of pride and satisfaction among them and their fellow Seals.

First of all, as much as I dislike Obama for his complete lack of leadership skills, I’ll give him credit for making the right decision in this case. Also, the decision to go for the kill, rather than capturing him, was the correct one. If we had captured him, I’m sure that his handling and any subsequent trial would have been a drawn-out affair that lasted for years. It would have been a political circus both here and abroad and one that we definitely don’t need right now.

Between the great intelligence gathering by the CIA and the military, and the outstanding preparation and execution by the Navy Seals, this is one mission that was textbook perfect. You couldn’t have asked for a better outcome. Getting the DNA match, and probably some forthcoming pictures, should quiet most skeptics as to whether or not it was Bin Laden. I think it was a great idea for the burial at sea. This gives the enemy no unneeded ammunition as to how his body was handled as far as Muslim burial tradition goes. It also gives the enemy no place to go to worship him as a martyr. Salutes to everyone who had a hand in designing this mission.

I hope that all the families who lost loved ones on 9/11 and all the military/civilians who lost their lives during this struggle can take some small measure of solace from his death. This was one evil human being who deserved not one extra moment on this earth.


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On May 1, 2011, in Miscellaneous, Politics, by ralph

LiberalsBelow are a few of my favorite quotes regarding Liberals. I’ve included the author, if known.




  • The principal feature of American liberalism is sanctimoniousness. By loudly denouncing all bad things–war and hunger and date rape–liberals testify to their own terrific goodness. More important, they promote themselves to membership in a self-selecting elite of those who care deeply about such things… It’s a kind of natural aristocracy, and the wonderful thing about this aristocracy is that you don’t have to be brave, smart, strong, or even lucky to join it; you just have to be liberal. (P.J. O’Rourke)
  • A conservative sees a man drowning 50 feet from shore, throws him a 25-foot long rope, and tells him to swim to it. A liberal throws him a rope 50 feet long, then drops his end and goes off to perform another good deed.
  • A man with both feet planted firmly in the air can be safely called a liberal.
  • Those who call themselves “liberals” today are asking for policies which are precisely the opposite of those policies which the liberals of the nineteenth century advocated in their liberal programs. The so-called liberals of today have the very popular idea that freedom of speech, of thought, of the press, freedom of religion, and freedom from imprisonment without trial — that all these freedoms can be preserved in the absence of what is called economic freedom. They do not realize that, in a system where there is no market, where the government directs everything, all those other freedoms are illusory, even if they are made into laws and written up in constitutions. (Ludwig von Mises)
  • If you’re a liberal, anything you say is protected. If you’re a conservative, anything you say is hateful.
  • If you’re not a liberal at twenty you have no heart, if you’re not a conservative at forty you have no brain. (Winston Churchill)
  • Greed: A word commonly used by liberals, low achievers, anti-capitalists and society’s losers to denigrate, shame and discredit those who have acquired superior job skills and decision-making capabilities and who, through the application of those job skills, achieve success. (Neal Boortz)
  • The principal purpose of the Democratic Party is to use the force of government to take property away from the people who earn it and give it to people who do not. (Neal Boortz)
  • A liberal is a person whose interests aren’t at stake at the moment. (Willis Player)
  • Liberals tend to put the onus of your success on society and conservatives on you and your family. (Dennis Prager)
  • A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man; a debt he proposes to pay off with your money. (G. Gordon Liddy)
  • I can remember way back when a liberal was generous with his own money. (Will Rogers)
  • Bigot-A person who wins an argument with a liberal. (Rush Limbaugh)
  • Left has come to represent increasing government control. The extreme leftist typically seeks total government. Working their way toward total government power are the Communists, socialists, fascists, and modern liberals who advocate government solutions for every real or imagined problem. (John F. McManus)
  • We who are liberal and progressive know that the poor are our equals in every sense except that of being equal to us. (Lionel Trilling)
  • One difference between a liberal and a pickpocket is that if you demand your money back from a pickpocket, he won’t question your motives.
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Bumper Stickers #3

On April 13, 2011, in Humor, by ralph

Bumper 1Bumper 2





  • The Big Bang Theory: God spoke and BANG, it happened.
  • Stupid should hurt!
  • Only in America can a Vietnam Vet live in a cardboard box on the street and a draft dodger live in the White House.
  • It could be worse. What if sex was fattening?
  • I’m an optimist, but I don’t think it helps.
  • If you didn’t get caught, did you really do it?
  • I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
  • I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  • I LIKE CATS! They taste like chicken.
  • I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
  • I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn’t look good either.
  • Which came first, the woman or the shopping mall?
  • So your kid’s no honor student. Society needs laborers.
  • If catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.
  • Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU’RE still an idiot.
  • The trouble with the gene pool is that there’s no lifeguard.
  • If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
  • What we need is a patch for stupidity!
  • Stoplights timed for 30 mph are also timed for 60 mph.
  • Say “NO” to drugs. That will bring the prices down.
  • Veni, Vidi, VD. I came, I saw, I cankered.
  • Veni, vidi, VISA- I came, I saw, I shopped
  • Veni, Vidi, Velcro. I came, I saw, I stuck around.
  • I’m schizophrenic and so am I.
  • Constipation causes people not to give a crap.
  • You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
  • I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
  • Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  • Kids in the back seat cause accidents; Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
  • Be alert. The world needs more lerts.
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The Backyard Menagerie

On April 1, 2011, in Miscellaneous, by ralph


Last Summer we had a hawk that would periodically visit the back deck of our house. He would sit there, sometimes for a ½ hour or more, searching I suppose, for something to eat. Our presence there didn’t seem to bother him all that much. We would look at him from our dining room or kitchen. He didn’t flinch a bit but you could tell that he noticed we were there by the movement of his eyes. We get all sorts of birds, waterfowl and other animals in our back yard. As you can see from the pictures, we have swans, geese, egrets, ducks, turtles, muskrats, etc., but we’ve never had a hawk before.

Living on the lake definitely gives us a wide range of animals for viewing. About the only ones I don’t really care to have on our land are the geese. When a flock of them are feeding on the lawn, they leave a ton of crap on the grass and beach. They can also be rather loud, especially if they arrive early in the morning and you’re still trying to sleep. Other than that, I wouldn’t trade living on the water for anything.

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Washington, DC – Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans: The Americans With No Abilities Act.

(AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition. ‘Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,’ said California Senator Barbara Boxer. ‘We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing.’

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D) and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D) pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%), and home improvement ‘warehouse’ stores (65%). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (a whopping 83%).

Under The Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million ‘middle man’ positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most inept employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, ‘Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?’

‘As a Non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them,’ said Ken Miller, who lost his position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Michigan, due to her inability to remember ‘rightey tightey, lefty loosey.’ ‘This new law should be real good for people like me,’ Miller added. With the passage of this bill, Miller and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said President Barack Obama (D): ‘As a President with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is my duty as Chief Executive to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so.’

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Obama’s A Liar – My Taxes Are Higher

On February 17, 2011, in Politics, by ralph


Since liberals are so fond of the statement, “Bush lied, people died”, I thought I’d create my own little pithy comment on Obama. Unlike the patently false Bush statement, my statement is completely true and I have a legal federal document to prove it.

During all his campaign speeches, Obama was always telling us that he wouldn’t raise taxes on those of us making $250,000 or less. He has continued to say it during his presidency. As recently as February 6, 2011, during his TV interview with Bill O’Reilly just prior to the airing of the Superbowl game, he said it again. Well, guess what? He lied again. A few days ago I received a financial statement that showed my federal taxes were increasing by 30% (29.86% to be exact). We’re not talking about a measly few percent here. We’re talking a major jump of 30%. Also, this wasn’t the result of any change in tax brackets or any change in my income from the past year. The increase was the direct result of an increase in the federal taxes on the same level of income.

Just thought you’d like to hear the truth since you won’t find it discussed very much on any of the mainstream media programs. Anyone else find a nice little federal tax increase in their mailbox recently?

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