At least according to my Garmin GPS watch! My wife and I recently bought a second home near Lake Michigan. It’s near the river/channel that empties into Lake Michigan. If the area isn’t too snowy, I like to take a run along the channel and out to the pier and lighthouse. The graphic above is how my GPS watch logged the run. As you can see, most of my run was on the channel and into Lake Michigan. Even though the accuracy of the GPS is a couple of feet, the map overlay is in need of some serious updating. The far west part of the run was the end of the pier that juts out into Lake Michigan.

It’s certainly been a warmer than normal winter this year. Even though it’s late February, the channel and lake still aren’t frozen over. I’m definitely not complaining though. There’s less snow to shovel and more days to get in a walk/run. A very good start to the New Year.

My two favorite teams are the San Francisco Forty-Niners and any team playing against the Steelers or Patriots. The 49ers almost made it to the Super Bowl this year. However, two inopportune fumbles by a replacement punt returner gave the game to the New York Giants. It was still a great season for them and I hope they do well next year.

I don’t know if I really believe in Karma, but it sure is a good explanation for the downfall of both the Pittsburgh Steelers and the New England Patriots this season. I think the Steelers have a bunch of dirty players who have gotten away with cheap shots for a number of years. Three of the worst are James Harrison, Ryan Clark and Hines Ward. The final straw was the sexual assault charges against their quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger. There was enough evidence presented to believe he was guilty on some level. I believe in second chances but the Rooney family should have cut him after the second incident came to light. I lost all respect for them after those incidents went unpunished for the most part. Sitting out a few games was not appropriate punishment. It was so great during the Playoffs last month to see Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos beat them in overtime. Now there’s a good athlete, class act and even greater human being.

Right before the start of last night’s Super Bowl game, I leaned over to my brother-in-law and said that the perfect game for me was to see the Giants beat the Patriots in a close one just like the last time they met. I didn’t think there was much chance for that happening. However, once again, the Giants came through. I don’t care very much for many of the players on the Patriots and I really don’t like their coach, Bill Belichick. He and his team were caught cheating years ago by secretly videotaping opposing teams’ coaching signals. He said he didn’t really think it was illegal and it really didn’t make any difference in the outcomes of those games. He had been doing it since the 2000 season until he was caught in 2007. Funny thing though, ever since he was caught cheating, he’s never won another Super Bowl, and he’s been back there twice. Also, his postseason record hasn’t been as good, either.

The Steelers lose in overtime to the Broncos, the Patriots lose to the Giants in another close game and the 49ers almost make it to the Super Bowl. Two out of three isn’t so bad. Go Niners!!

After the run we did a little sightseeing and went to Radium Springs. It’s a pleasant spring-fed watering hole that empties into the Flint River. We attended the church wedding early that evening and ended the day at a private New Years celebration at the hotel. A good time was had by all.

Hope everyone had a safe and enjoyable holiday season. Happy New Years!

I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We’ll have a small band playing traditional carols. Please feel free to sing along. And don’t be surprised if the CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00 PM.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time. However, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone’s pocketbook.
This gathering is only for employees! The CEO will make a special announcement at the party.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Pauline

—————————————————————————
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5 November 2011
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday’s memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, although unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we’re calling it our “Holiday Party.”
The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment. Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline

—————————————————————————
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6 November 2011
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, you didn’t sign your name. I’m happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, “AA Only,” you wouldn’t be anonymous anymore!
How am I supposed to handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the union officials feel that $10.00 is too much money and management believes $10.00 is a little cheap. NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline

—————————————————————————
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7 November 2011
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees’ beliefs.
Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party – or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work?
Meanwhile, I’ve arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men’s table too.
To the person asking permission to cross dress – no cross dressing allowed.
We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for diabetics. The restaurant cannot supply “no sugar” desserts.
Sorry! Did I miss anything?
Pauline

—————————————————————————
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 8 November 2011
RE: The ****** Holiday Party

Vegetarian jerks: I’ve had it with you people! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the “grill of death,” as you so quaintly put it. You’ll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feelings too, they scream when you slice them. I’ve heard them scream. I’m hearing them scream right NOW!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday and then drink, drive and die.
Pauline, the Bitch from HELL!

—————————————————————————
FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 9 November 2011
RE: Pauline and the Holiday Party

I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the management has decided to cancel our holiday party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
Have a SUCCESSFUL day!
John

My brother-in-law recently completed his first marathon in Philadelphia. He’s been wanting to run one for a while and finally got his chance last Sunday at the Philadelphia Marathon. He had pretty nice weather and was able to run a good portion of the race with his son. I wasn’t able to be there to watch him run it but I did meet him the following morning in Washington, D.C. We all gave him a gentle ribbing about his new “walking style.” If you’ve ever run a marathon before, you know how badly your calves and hamstrings feel the first couple of days. Even stepping up onto a curb can be a challenge.

A marathon is a pretty big accomplishment for someone and definitely worthy of a post on my blog.

Congrats, Marathon Jim!

Kidney stones are not fun! If you’ve ever had the experience of passing a kidney stone, you know what I mean. Those babies are painful. I had one last month in my left kidney. At first it feels a lot like lower-back pain. However, it gets sharper and starts to feel like someone put a knife into your side. That initial pain is when the stone gets lodged in the ureter that’s attached to your kidney. If you’re lucky, it eventually makes its way through your system and you just pee it out. If not, you have to go to the hospital and have them try a few different methods like sonically blasting it, or as a last resort, surgically removing it. I had another one about 12 years ago and the pain got so bad that I had to go to the hospital. At first, they tried giving me vicodin, but that didn’t help at all. Finally, they gave me morphine and that killed the pain. They had me stay overnight and I finally passed it.

The picture below is my stone from last month.

The stone is like a tiny little object with razor-sharp points on it. When the stone is moving through your ureter and urinary tract, the pain can be excruciating. It can make little cuts in the interior walls along the way and that shows up as blood in your urine. I talked with a nurse who had them once and she said that kidney stone pain was worse than delivering her baby. I don’t know about delivering a baby, but I can tell you that kidney stone pain is the worst pain I’ve experienced so far.

We just got back from a two-week vacation to the Washington D.C area. We were visiting our daughter. On Tuesday, August 23rd, we were on the 7th floor of an apartment building when an earthquake struck. I’ve been exposed to earthquakes in the past in both California and Maine. However, being in a high-rise is a totally different experience. The shaking was longer and much more pronounced. Also, earthquakes are not a very common occurrence in that neck of the woods so you’re not really expecting it to happen. There wasn’t any damage that we could see and when we looked out the window to the streets below, there were dozens of people running out of the various buildings and businesses in the area. We eventually came out of our building and walked around the area. Of course everyone was on their phone trying to call or text someone but the cell towers were immediately saturated and calls/texts weren’t getting sent. Eventually, things went back to normal and people reentered their buildings. We figured that would be the end of our excitement for this trip. We were wrong.

Four days later, Hurricane Irene struck. We were in New Orleans in 1992 when Hurricane Andrew struck. Andrew caused some damage in our area, but overall it was more of a really bad storm than a hurricane. Most of the damage from that hurricane was in Florida. Concerning Irene, the media sure made it seem like a catastrophic event was about to take place. The day before the hurricane, we went to the grocery store and bought a couple of meals that we could eat if things got bad. Of course I bought a half-gallon of ice cream. If I’m going down, I’m going to be eating something I like! Anyway, Saturday came and went and Irene only brushed alongside the D.C. area. There was some wind and water damage in places, but overall, things went pretty well. We easily survived natural disaster #2.

That takes care of the “Earthquake” and “Hurricane” in the title, but what about the “Lion”, you might ask? Well, while I was there, I installed the latest operating system upgrade for my daughter’s Apple computer, OS X Lion. Ha!

Texting – texting is getting out of control. I can hardly drive down the road anymore without seeing someone texting while driving. Recently, my wife and I were driving down the highway and there was a semi-truck in front of us constantly drifting to the side of the road. When I passed it, you could see the driver, a woman, texting away. Unbelievable. Sadly, the number of truckers who do it pales in comparison to the teenagers and young adults who are doing it while driving. I’m also not particularly enamored by people who have to text while you’re trying to talk to them.

Loud cell phone talkers – these folks are just plain rude. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to listen to someone yakking their head off in public, totally oblivious to those around them. I really don’t care what a twit their spouse is or how great their date was last night. Sheesh! Spare us the details and keep it private.

Grammar/Spelling Pet Peeves

First of all, I’m not an English major and make no claims to be an expert in this area. I’m sure if you look hard enough, you’ll probably find an error or two on my website. However, that being said, the following items make it on my list.

In order to – Why use three words when one will do? I can’t think of any sentence or phrase that benefits in clarity or meaning by using “In order to” instead of “To.” If there is, please enlighten me.

Irregardless – this never was a real word, but it has been used in error for so long that it has become one in many people’s minds. There is, of course, regardless, but what the heck does irregardless mean? Really, people, what were you thinking?

There, Their and They’re – I’m not even going to try and explain this one. THERE are plenty of websites to explain THEIR usage and THEY’RE very easy to find.

Your and You’re – Again, use YOUR fingers to google them and YOU”RE sure to find them.

It’s and Its – ITS correct usage can easily be found. IT’S not that hard folks. Look them up.

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak. Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back? Or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did.

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly ‘How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?’ I turned around and walked back out and never went back – My husband didn’t say a word…He knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, ‘I think I like playing with men’s balls.’

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, ‘No, I’m just looking at your nuts’. My sister started to laugh hysterically. The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving ‘right now’ she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, ‘If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!’ The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said ‘No’. I kept thinking ‘Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don’t have any clothes with me.’ Then I said, ‘Danny, are you SURE you didn’t have an accident?’ ‘No,’ he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, ‘Danny, did you have an accident?’ This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled ‘SEE MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!’ While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they’d ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think, before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don’t get any? We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t, turned to the weatherman and asked: ‘So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night? ‘Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, they were laughing so hard!