The Blog Less Traveled » Relationships

Being Appreciative

ralph — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 20:39:44 +0000

There’s a little saying that most people are familiar with that goes something like this: “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff.” In a certain context, I can completely agree with the sentiment. Don’t get so hung up and bothered by meaningless little things that don’t really matter in the long-term scheme of things. However, I’d like to put forth the equally valid proposition that you really should sweat the small stuff. Let me give you a recent example. There were a few guys sitting at a table having a normal conversation. I noticed one of the wives came over and looked in her husband’s cup and saw that his drink was almost empty. She took it, went and got a refill and put it back on the table for him. There was no acknowledgement whatsoever for what she had done. Not a simple “thanks”, nod, wink or anything. He definitely saw her do it, yet he didn’t have the simple courtesy to say thanks. It wasn’t any big inconvenience on the wife’s part – just a simple gesture of affection/caring. This is the little stuff that you should be sweating. I don’t think there was any underlying expectation of the deed on her part. However, I can’t help but think that these little things will eventually build up and become the “big” stuff down the road.

I think we could all learn to be a little more appreciative of our friends and loved ones. I’m certainly no saint in this regard and could improve some myself. I think I’ve let some things slide over the years until they became bigger than they needed to be. I’m still a work in progress – hopefully I’ll get better. I do have a lot of things to be appreciative for. First and foremost, there’s my family. I’ve got the best wife and daughter – this year has really proven that to me. I’ve got some great friends and relatives, too. We’re all healthy and hope to stay that way. We’re all looking forward to a great 2010.

Happy New Year everyone!

To My Wife

ralph — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 14:18:44 +0000

Today marks the 34th anniversary of me picking up my wife-to-be in Michigan. I was living in Montana at the time and I flew into Grand Rapids, Michigan on September 25th, 1975 to bring her back to Great Falls, Montana. That was a long time ago but I still remember it well. After meeting her at the airport, we took her car and drove back to Montana by taking the northern route through the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. We stayed along the northern portions of Wisconsin, Minnesota, North Dakota and finally, Montana. It was a three-day trip in all.

To honor that day, I dedicate the following song, Already Home, to her. She knows what it’s all about and that’s all that matters.

Already Home by Hanna and Ashley Perez. The Perez sisters sing mostly Latino songs but this is one of their first in English. By the way, they were actually born and raised in Lake Charles, Louisiana. It’s a very nice song and the lyrics are copied below the YouTube video. Enjoy.

Lyrics to Already Home

Packed my bags and kissed your cheek
Turned around so I didn’t see you cry, you cry
Sometimes you just can’t explain
The reasons why you have to say goodbye, goodbye

It took something, it took falling,
It took distance, it took time,
It took a lot of getting lost to realize

I was already home, right where I was supposed to be
You were right in front of me
I was not alone
I was already home, sometimes you’re too close to see
The one thing that you really need has been there all along
It took leaving you to know, I was already home

It took a long, long road to see,
What matters most in life to me was gone, was gone
But I thought I was looking for
Was right here waiting at your door
I was wrong, so wrong

It took tumbling, it took falling,
It took distance, it took time,
It took a lot of getting lost to realize

I was already home, right where I was supposed to be
You were right in front of me
I was not alone
I was already home, sometimes you’re too close to see
The one thing that you really need has been there all along
It took leaving you to know

I was so caught up in the thrill of something different
Something new,
It took a lot of missing you to see the truth

I was already home, right where I was supposed to be
You were right in front of me
I was not alone
I was already home, sometimes you’re too close to see
The one thing that you really need has been there all along
It took leaving you to know
I was already home
I was already home

Favorite TV Commercials

ralph — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 03:14:58 +0000

Well, I’m missing my little girl. I know, she’s not so little anymore. She’s all grown up and her mom and dad are very proud of her. Do you ever hear music or see something on TV that brings up special memories? There’s an AT&T wireless commercial that’s been playing on TV quite a bit lately that jogs my memory of my early days with my daughter. It’s about a little girl who secretly puts her favorite little stuffed animal monkey in her dad’s briefcase before he leaves on a business trip. He finds the monkey and takes several pictures and sends them back to the family on his cell phone. What I love about this commercial are the expressions on the little girl’s face. It’s just shear happiness and love. The very last one where she hugs her dad when he returns home from his trip is precious. That folks, is pure and unconditional love. If you’re a dad with a daughter, that picture ought to bring up a special memory or two. There are few times in life when you get that kind of feeling. If you still have a little girl in your home, cherish those moments. They pass too quickly.

The picture above is my best shot at trying to freeze that last picture from the video, but it’s a little fuzzy.

You can see the 30 second commercial on YouTube by clicking here.

Beaners

ralph — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 22:20:18 +0000

Who is Beaners? Hopefully, I won’t be embarrassing her too much, but that is my daughter’s nickname that only I really use when we talk together. I don’t remember exactly when I started using it, but I think it morphed from how Alana pronounced her name when she was only 2-3 years old – Lanie Beanie. I imagine there are many dads that have a special name they use when talking to their daughter.

Anyway, the other day I was scanning pictures into my computer from some of our old photo albums and came across some pictures of my daughter that I hadn’t seen in years. It brought up lots of good memories and times from years past. Sometimes she was a little stinker, but when she looked at me with those big blue eyes of hers, she could melt you in a heartbeat. I remember when we first lived in Monterey, CA and almost every Saturday morning we would jump in the Z3, put the top down, pop in a tape with Ozzie Osborne’s song, “I Just Want You” and sing it as loud as we could to each other. We’d stop at a little Mom & Pop grocery store, get a roast beef sub and soda and head to the ocean. I’ll never forget those days as long as I live. I look back at all the years as she was growing up and it’s hard to remember any times when she ever really disappointed us. You hear so many stories of kids rebelling and causing all sorts of problems in their teenage years, but it never really happened to us. Was she perfect – heck no. There were learning experiences for both of us. As parents of an only child, we made a few mistakes and learned a few things along the way. All in all though, there are few things we would have done differently. She’s 24 now, finishing up her second year of medical school. To say that her dad is very proud of her would be a big understatement. But as proud as I am of her accomplishments thus far, I’m proudest of what a kind, sweet and thoughtful young lady she’s turned out to be. What else could a dad ask for? I wouldn’t trade my Beaners for anything this world could ever offer. Love you, Beaners!!!

Below are some pictures that I scanned in recently. There’s one where she was about 2 years old and wearing my flight jacket. The one with the little boy is from when she was the flower girl for my sister-in-law’s wedding. The one with me smiling and holding her was when I had just returned from Spain after a short deployment.

So, why did I write this posting, other than to tell my girl how much I love her and how proud of her that I am? Maybe you have someone, either a loved one, a friend or acquaintance that you’ve been meaning to tell how much he or she means to you. Don’t miss an opportunity because you sometimes don’t get a second chance. Just do it!

Never Got To Say Goodbye

ralph — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 18:28:16 +0000

These are times when I truly don’t understand God’s ways. I’ll be going to a funeral this Thursday. Last Sunday my brother-in-law’s brother was electrocuted in a freak accident while working on a neon sign he was building. Just like that, and without warning, he’s no longer here. I never knew the brother very well. I met him briefly once or twice at a family gathering. He was only 39 years old. He leaves behind a wife and two small children. It just doesn’t seem right to have a life end that way. He was in the prime of his life with so many years to look forward to. He never got a last chance to say goodbye to his wife, children and loved ones. I can only imagine the feeling of sorrow that I’d have if I never got a chance to say the things that need to be said to a loved one. I know it’s not a fun thing to watch as a loved one with a terminal illness slowly dies before your eyes. However, it does at least give you the opportunity to say your goodbyes. You won’t have the feeling of regret at losing the chance to say the important things.

Sometimes, it seems like the wrong people in the world are dying. I can think of people close to me, as well as nationally known people, who died way before their time. Good people who were doing good and noble things with their lives. It’s probably mean, but I can think of many people living today whose lives I’d like to see traded with them. It’s a good thing that I’m not God because I’d do it in a heartbeat.

I don’t really expect anyone to be able to give me a satisfactory explanation for all of this. It’s one of life’s mysteries that will never be answered. I’m also not expecting God to pop up and give me a solo appearance and explain it either. It just doesn’t seem fair.

I Wish You Enough

ralph — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 21:51:38 +0000

I was cleaning up my computer files the other day when I ran across the following letter I received from someone a long time ago. I think it’s worth passing on, especially with all that’s happening right now in our country and the world.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
I wish you enough “Hellos” to get you through the final “Goodbyes.”

I think too often we expect our lives to be perfect – taking for granted all of the good things that come our way. God never promised us a perfect life. But he does promise to always be with us through our trials and tribulations. We all need to remember that the bad things are as important as the blessings in life because they help to develop character and hopefully bring us closer to Christ. How would we appreciate joys in life without sorrow? We should be more content with what God chooses to place in our paths.

I wish you enough…

Be Thankful, Be Grateful

ralph — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 00:43:49 +0000

I’ve been out of town the past week. I just got back from a road trip to Vero Beach, Florida. My brother-in-law and I drove a car down last Tuesday (22 hours straight — woo hoo!) and flew back the following Monday. We took care of business and managed to sneak out just before Tropical Storm Fay hit. It was definitely a lot warmer than Michigan this time of year. It felt good getting back to the cooler and drier weather.

I no sooner got back home and the next day my wife left for a planned visit to see our daughter. Needless to say, we didn’t see each other very long. Gassed up the car, had an ice cream, talked a little, watched some of the Olympics and went to bed. A quick hug the next morning and off she went.

Now that she’s gone, it’s kind of lonely at the old homestead. I do enjoy my peace and quiet but I still miss not having her close by. Funny how that works. We’re pretty much together 24/7. When you’re together that much, you take each other for granted. There are definitely times when we get on each other’s nerves. It’s only natural. People need their alone time every now and then. You just don’t appreciate the people you’re close to until they’re not there.

Fortunately, this is just short-term. If you’re together with someone you care about right now, let them know. Be thankful, be grateful.

Farewell, Patricia

ralph — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 22:33:08 +0000

Yesterday was a day of celebration and sadness. One of my sisters-in-law passed away recently and we were having a family gathering to honor her life and our memories of her. We spent a few moments along the dunes of Lake Michigan and spread her ashes there because it was a setting that she would have approved of and appreciated. Pat was the third oldest in a family of eight children. Her husband and only son survive her as well as all of her brothers and sisters.

Pat was a unique person – quite the character. She did like to talk a lot and I have to admit that at times she drove me crazy. However, above all, she was a good person. A true friend. She loved life and tried to enjoy every minute of it. The littlest things would bring her joy and a smile on her face. She always seemed to see the positive in a given situation. If there was someone in the room with a smile or having a laugh, more than likely it was Pat. Even in the end, she still carried that positive attitude. I didn’t know her as well as some of my brothers-in-law because we lived at opposite ends of the country most of the time. She was always pretty much game for anything and willing to go along with whatever others wanted to do. When we did visit her, she always made us feel welcome. While she lived in California, she especially enjoyed taking us through the wine country and visiting the vineyards and tasting rooms. She really enjoyed her wines.

Pat was a very unique person in her own special way. She made friends easily and would do anything for you. I wish I had appreciated her more when she was still around. I’m sure that for those who were closest to her, she will be sorely missed. However, I’m sure they’ll have a few good smiles and laughter when they recall their memories of being with her. We will all miss her.

Farewell, Pat!

Just Give Them a Hug

ralph — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 04:14:50 +0000

As you get older, you start reflecting more on life. You’ve collected a wide range of experiences and memories over the years to draw from. I don’t think a day goes by without coming across something that triggers one of those experiences or memories. Today, I happened to be out on a morning run and passed by the new hospital in our neighborhood. As I was running by the Emergency Entrance, I was reminded of the fact that a friend of mine from long ago had passed away last week. Although I had rarely seen him over the past 30+ years, I knew from other family members that he was fighting cancer. While in Florida last December, I had the opportunity to stop by his house and see him. I was only able to spend a few short hours there but I’m glad I had the chance to see him one last time. Considering the struggle he was going through both physically and emotionally, he had the greatest attitude you could imagine. He didn’t wallow in sadness or complain about the situation he had to deal with. He just appreciated the time he still had and enjoyed it with his family and friends. What a blessing he must have been to his family and friends during that time. I don’t know if I would be able to carry myself through a time like that with so much class.

We don’t often appreciate the love and friendship we have in our lives. The struggles of day-to-day living smother our human spirit. We worry so much about making the latest deadline and paying the latest bill that we lose sight of the important stuff – the spouse, child, friend or coworker that is right next to us. If they mean something to you, let them know. In some small way, show them they matter. A thank you, a handshake, a pat on the back, or…

Just give them a hug.

Inspirational People

ralph — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 00:17:52 +0000

In Sunday’s Parade magazine was an article on a Computer Science professor from Carnegie Mellon University who has pancreatic cancer. They say he has only a few months to live. What a shame it has to be cut so short. You get a real sense from the article that Randy Pausch has led a fulfilling and rewarding life. I’m sure he’s had a positive impact on many of his students and made life just a little brighter for many of his colleagues and friends.

Prior to finding out he had cancer, he had agreed to do a “last lecture” for the university. In these lectures, one talks on what matters most to them. Here are some of the ideas he wanted to share:

1. Always Have Fun
2. Dream Big
3. Ask for What You Want
4. Dare To Take a Risk
5. Look for the Best In Everybody
6. Make Time for What Matters
7. Let Kids Be Themselves

The lecture he gave is on YouTube. It’s about 75 minutes long but is well worth your time. If more people had this kind of attitude in life, the world would be a much nicer place to live in. I’ve had the great fortune of knowing someone like this, and I’m very thankful for it.

Click here for the video.

NOTE: This Wednesday, April 9th at 10PM EDT, ABC’s Primetime will feature Professor Pausch and his family.