The Blog Less Traveled

The Penis Asks for a Raise

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

• I do physical labor.
• I work at great depths.
• I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
• I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
• I work in a damp environment.
• I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
• I work in high temperatures.
• My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

P. Niss

The Response

Dear Penis:
After reviewing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

• You do not work 8 hours straight.
• You fall asleep after brief work periods.
• You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
• You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
• You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
• You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
• You will retire well before you are 65.
• You are unable to work double shifts.
• You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
• And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,

V. Gina