Two ladies are sitting next to each other on a plane. One is a Yankee and the other, a Southern Belle. The Southern Belle turns to the Yankee and asks, “So where y’all from?”
The Yankee turns her steely gaze to the Southern Belle and replies, “I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition.”
Silence ensues and the flight continues until a few minutes later when the Southern Belle again turns to the Yankee and asks, “So, where y’all from, bitch?”
A friend of mine sent me the below “Bill of No Rights.” I researched the origin of it and found that a gentleman named Lewis Napper, a fellow programmer and Libertarian, wrote it back in 1993. If anything, it’s more prevalent today than when it was written 16 years ago. I believe Article V was written in reference to when HillaryCare was being pushed onto the American people. Sixteen years later, we have ObamaCare being shoved down our throats. This is definitely worth a read.
Bill of No Rights
We, the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and establish some commonsense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional and other liberal, bedwetters.
We hold these truths to be self-evident: that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights.
ARTICLE I
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone – not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
ARTICLE III
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV
You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes.
ARTICLE V
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not interested in public health care.
ARTICLE VI
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, don’t be surprised if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens, don’t be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a place where you still won’t have the right to a big-screen color TV or a life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII
You don’t have the right to demand that our children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching conscience. We hate oppressive governments and won’t lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you’d like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a funny hat.
ARTICLE IX
You don’t have the right to a job. All of us sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X
You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American means that you have the right to pursue happiness -which by the way, is a lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
Success! And my first bucket list item bites the dust. I ran the Grand Rapids Marathon yesterday morning. Overall, I’m pretty happy with the outcome. The temperature at race time (8am) was only 29° – a little bit chilly but not too bad since there was no real wind to speak of. I don’t think the temperature got too much above 40° by the end of the race. The fall colors are almost peaking right now and the majority of the race course was along the Grand River and along several local parks. I’m not sure how much time I spent admiring the scenery but it was much better than running the entire course through town. Being my first marathon, I wasn’t quite prepared for the initial portion of the run. I started at the back of the pack and didn’t cross the starting line until over four minutes after the race started. I thought if I started at the back, I would miss all the initial jockeying around trying to get past people. That didn’t work out too well. It took me the better part of 3-4 miles before I got past everyone. I was darting left and right and jumping on and off curbs and medians to avoid and get around people. I’d say I was about six miles into the race before I felt that I had settled into a normal pace. I don’t know if I hit the “wall” during the latter part of the race, but at around 21 miles my leg muscles were starting to tighten up. I was pretty sure that if I stopped at that point, my muscles would start to really cramp up. I think it’s fair to say that the last 5-6 miles of a marathon is more mental than physical – at least for me it was. I went by all of the remaining aid stations without taking anything for those last 6 miles.
I can’t compare this marathon to any others since it was my first, but it seemed to be very well run. The race director, Don Kern, and his entire staff did a fantastic job communicating everything you needed to know. There was plenty of information on the website as well as several informal meetings leading up to the event. There were tons of drinks and goodies all along the route and many enthusiastic well-wishers to keep your spirits up. If you’re going to run a marathon for the first time, I highly recommend this one. The racing shirt and runner’s medal are very good quality and there’s plenty of post-race food and beverages – chili, frozen yogurt, cheese sticks, bagels, Gatorade, beer, etc.
In case you’re wondering, I ran the race in 3 hours, 56 minutes and 46 seconds. Below are a few names and times of fairly well known people who also ran marathons. I actually had a better time than everyone except President Bush. I’m particularly proud that I whipped Al Gore’s butt by over an hour! Plus, he was 10 years younger at the time. I’ll bet I left a smaller environmental footprint than he did, too!
There is a medical distinction. We’ve all heard about people having guts or balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
GUTS – Arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met
by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: ‘Are you still
cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?’
BALLS – Coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt
and having the balls to say: ‘You’re next fatty.’
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately result in death.
Fall is in the air. At least if you live in the North, that is. The leaves are starting to change color and the air is brisk and cool. This past summer in Michigan has been awesome. The high temperatures have pretty much stayed between 70°-80°. We only turned on the air conditioning a total of two days. That’s a first. I’m pretty much averse to hot and humid weather, so this has been the most enjoyable summer yet. Having lived in Monterey, California for 10 years really spoiled me, weather-wise. I got used to high temps being 60°-80° year round. Of course, if you’re a beach person who likes to bake in the sun and jump in the lake/ocean, you probably wouldn’t have cared too much for this weather.
Anyway, it’s been a while since I last posted a photograph, so here it is. The above photo is Mabry’s Mill. It’s located in Meadows of Dan, Virginia. This southwestern section of Virginia is known for its bluegrass and mountain music. I’ve never been there myself, but this picture sure captures the Fall colors in all of their glory. I’ve seen several pictures of this mill, but this is the best by far. The name of the photographer who took this photo is Jim McConnell. He lives in Greensboro, North Carolina and has been doing photography as a hobby for almost 10 years. His bio says he loves to photograph flowers, birds, and anything else that will hold still long enough. Thanks for letting me post this picture, Jim. You do great work!
If you’d like to see a higher resolution image of the above photo, click here.
To see a gallery of Jim McConnell’s many excellent photographs, click here.
THE TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO OBAMA’S HEALTH CARE PLAN:
10. Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.
9. Directions to your doctor’s office include “Take a left when you enter the trailer park.”
8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
7. The only proctologist in the plan is “Gus” from Roto-Rooter.
6. The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is “an apple a day.”
5. Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.
4. “The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges,” is not a typographical error.
3. The only expense covered 100% is… “Embalming…“
2. Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M’s on them.
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU’VE JOINED OBAMA’S HEALTH CARE PLAN:
1. Your doctor prescribes Viagra, and they substitute a Popsicle stick and duct tape!!!!!
