An Indian chief had three wives. The first wife slept on cowhide, the second wife a deer hide and the third on hippopotamus hide. The first gave birth to a baby boy, the second to a baby girl and the third had twins – a boy and a girl. Looking at what happened, the old chief declared, “The squaw on the hippopotamus is equal to the sum of the squaws on the other two hides!”
What did Frank Sinatra say when someone asked him if he had ever kept wading birds as pets? “Egrets, I’ve had a few.”
A man leaned to his right because his right leg was shorter than his left. He finally went to see a surgeon after much insistence from friends. Later, one of those friends saw the man walking down the street and noticed that the man’s legs were exactly the same length. “See, what did I tell you?”, the friend boasted. “You didn’t believe the doctor could fix your leg!” The man said, “I stand corrected.”
I went to the butcher’s the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn’t reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, “No, the steaks are too high.”
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
The dentist tells the patient that his upper plate needs to be made of chrome because of the patient’s penchant for Hollandaise sauce (which has a lot of lemon juice in it, and is corrosive to most dental appliances). Why chrome? There’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, “Dam!”
The friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
I entered ten puns in a contest, and I thought I would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
