The Blog Less Traveled

Those that know me know that I’m not a chef by any stretch of the imagination. My prowess in the kitchen consists of boiling water for pasta and heating leftovers. I’ve also been known to get a soda or beer from the fridge all on my very own! Anyway, my wife left on a trip this morning to visit our daughter. Suppertime eventually came around and I opened up the refrigerator to see what was there. For a normal person, there was an array of items to choose from. I imagine there were enough ingredients to concoct many a fine meal. Unfortunately, I’m not a normal person. What I did find was a Tupperware dish of leftover white rice and a bottle of salsa. Voila, spicy ricey! Yes siree, Bob. Just empty the rice on the plate, pour some salsa on the rice, mix it up, and heat it in the microwave. And it was actually pretty tasty, if I don’t say so myself.

There you have it folks. The new Asian-Mexican dish that will sweep the country. You read it here first.

Here’s the recipe!

Ingredients
1 cup rice
1 cup salsa

Cook the rice (however that’s done), mix in the salsa and spread it out on a plate. For that special touch, drop a dollop of guacamole in the middle of the pile.

One of my most prized possessions is the little stuffed animal you see on the left. It used to be a very bright pink but after 17 years of exposure to the sun, it’s faded quite a bit. It was the first Christmas present I ever got from my daughter. She was in 1st grade at the time and I think it cost her a whole dollar. The elementary school she attended had a bunch of items that the kids could buy for Christmas gifts. I think it was during the period of time when the “Land Before Time” dinosaur videos were popular. She probably thought it was the coolest present you could ever give to someone. I imagine I acted pretty excited for her when I opened it up.

Pinkie has pretty much been on display in my office at home or work since then. I can’t say that it fits too well with the other office décor. Pink is NOT a real great men’s color! I probably won’t be getting any calls in the near future to be on the cover of Interior Design Magazine, either. However, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s funny how little things or events that didn’t seem all that important at the time have a lot more meaning as time passes by. I’ve gotten some nice gifts from my daughter since then, but none will probably be more memorable than Pinkie.

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver’s side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. “I can’t believe how materialistic you lawyers are,” he said. “You are so focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything else.” “How can you say such a thing?” asked the lawyer.

The cop replied, “Don’t you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you.”

“Ahhh!” screamed the lawyer. “Where’s my Rolex!”

The Proboscis Monkey is one weird looking animal. It’s a reddish-brown arboreal monkey that is indigenous to Borneo. They’ve got big potbellies and a really long white tail. If you want to learn more about this monkey, click here.

There’s also a website that has a pretty cool video showing them feeding and flying through the trees. (click here) The monkeys don’t show up in the video until about 20 seconds into the clip.

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up & saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston.”

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?” Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?” “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.”

“It’s the friends you can call up at 4 AM that matter.” Marlene Dietrich

I was thinking of what to write about the other day and the idea of friendship came to mind. Originally, I was going to call it 3am Friends but when I googled the term, I found that someone had beat me to it. Then I googled 4am Friends and, lo and behold, the above quote popped up. I guess I wasn’t going to be too original after all.

Growing up, we make and break friendships as a normal course of events. Having moved around so much during my lifetime, short-term friendships were a fact of life. You usually have good intentions of keeping them up after you move away. You call them up or email them and sometimes make a trip back to visit. Eventually, however, the friendship just seems to fade away. It’s not that you didn’t value the friendship, but separation and your current state of affairs tends to consume you.

If you’re lucky enough, you’ll meet someone that will become a true 4am friend. You value their opinion and judgment. They’re the ones that you can say almost anything to and they won’t prejudge you. You’re comfortable opening up and feel safe in their company. They’ll listen, try to understand your problem or situation and offer encouragement or guidance, if needed. These are very special people and you should feel fortunate if you know one.

In today’s world, we seem to be growing apart from others even as the world gets closer to us. Technology brings us to all corners of the Earth and any kind of information is ours with just a few short keystrokes. When you start looking back at life, the only things that seem to have real meaning are the relationships that you’ve made with your family and friends. All the other stuff is just noise.

The next time you’re with a friend or family member, try to give them a little extra time. Are you a 4am friend?

Welcome to my blog. From what I’ve read, to be a successful blogger you need to find a topic that you’re passionate about. If that’s the case, I probably won’t be around too long. I don’t know what I’m going to talk about. I just plan on picking a topic and see where it takes me. However, I do plan on having a decent amount of posts to the Humor section. I’ll just have to see how things play out and take it a week at a time. If you have any suggestions or comments, please let me know.

Let the blogging begin!